"I heard glimpses of myself/Nägin osakesi endast" - Marita Liivak

Marita Liivak

Oil and Acrylic on canvas

100x120cm

I've pondered about this article many times over the past few weeks, considering how to express my thoughts and what to emphasize. Each time, I’ve returned to the same concept: cultivating an extraordinary relationship with your body is some of the most challenging and rewarding work you will ever undertake.

My connection with my body has undergone significant changes throughout the years. The struggle wasn’t limited to the outer appearance but extended to how I perceived it. It's a complex relationship – attempting to embrace my innate beauty while simultaneously downplaying the aspects I find challenging, discouraging, and less than ideal. Until I found a balance, there were years when "taking care of my body" wasn’t even a consideration, relying on my youth, and other periods when I took the opposite approach in search of balance. There were times I felt content with myself and carried on seamlessly, but conversely, there were moments when I neglected myself for months or even wanted to disconnect.

Personally, the real change and challenge began when I decided to change my approach to my body and started "listening to it" more. Well, it wasn't that easy, and I wasn’t accustomed to it. Many times, I wanted to give up listening and continue trusting that my brain or society knew more than my body. It’s crucial to remember that choosing to get up every morning and genuinely thank my body – a fully functioning, seemingly healthy form – really from the bottom of my heart, is a constant decision. As a grown woman striving to define beauty beyond societal standards, I recognize the need to do the work and establish my own understanding of beauty. I often falter, but I'm committed to trying again the next day and the day after that. It took a while to develop this reflex, but once it clicks, you never want to go back!

As I began to accept myself more, I also started listening and understanding more. I heard glimpses of myself – each of us struggling to find balance in defining what our true beauty looks like, feels like, moves like, and sounds like. Instead of acknowledging our worth, many of us create patterns of doing, accomplishing, and proving ourselves over and over again. We often overcompensate with our achievements, filling the self-perceived gaps, forgetting to take the time to just be. It is crucial to accept that we may have different paths and ways of feeling and understanding, with various misunderstandings, dark thoughts or blocked emotions. Remember that you weren't in those shoes, and there may be much you don't know. Try to understand before judging, acknowledging that we don't have all the data in the world, and our little brains can be easily mistaken. I found peace in listening less to people and more to nature, music, animals, kids, and especially my own body. I discovered "my language with my body" in yoga, dancing and martial arts. Yours may be somehow similar but also unique in your own way..

I realize I haven't said anything groundbreaking, but I believe these words will hold meaning for someone ready to experience their enlightenment. Sometimes, we search for answers that have been there all along. It is both heartbreaking and amusing that as we age, the aphorisms that once sounded cheesy or naive now resonate as core truths – simple yet effective. Real.